Destiny
by scribblechacha
Summary: Alex reflects on her time in the 1980s and her change in relationship with Gene. Song fic.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ashes to Ashes or the lyrics Mr Brightside by The Killers. Bad times.

**A/N: This was meant to be a happy fic but the angst bunny bit me and would not let go. Gosh he is annoying. **

* * *

It was the one-year anniversary since she had awoken from her coma; she had spent the months following her awakening spending every minute she could with Molly, between school and hospital checkups. Now it was nearly Christmas in two-thousand and nine, she was putting up the decorations with the assistance of Molly and Evan, the first Christmas since 'the incident' that she was spending at home. Molly, a package of sugary excitement bounded around the room, dancing to the songs on her I-pod. "Come on Molly," Evan joked, "no-one wants to listen to the Sugarbabes." Molly pouted in mock sadness, an action that reminded Alex so much of Gene; she shook her head roughly _I'm not in that world now, I'm back with Molly, my little girl, she still needs me_.

"What?" She mouthed, noticing Evan staring at her as she shook herself out of her reverie.

"You okay?" He mouthed back in concern. She nodded her head vigorously in reply, causing slight light-headedness, which tended to happen more often since the shooting. Molly jabbed playfully at the I-pod, trying to find a song she knew they would all like.

_Coming out of my cage  
And I've been doing just fine  
Gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all_

Alex closed her eyes as she relaxed on the sofa, absorbing the song lyrics. They reminded her of when she first came out of the coma, as she pretended to herself that she would be fine leaving the CID gang and Luigi behind. But inside she was being torn apart, would she be happier in the nineteen eighties with all of her friends or in the two thousands with her small family, she felt guilty for questioning this but she honestly could not decide; she wanted both, to have everyone with her.

_  
It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss  
Now I'm falling asleep_

That was how her relationship with Gene had progressed, it had not meant to happen but as much as she kept fighting, she knew she would never be able to fight him and that was what hurt her the most about leaving that world. 'It was only a kiss' that was how it started and that was how they wanted it to end at first, since they both knew an office romance would not go down well.

_  
And she's calling a cab  
While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag  
Now they're going to bed  
And my stomach is sick_

The first argument after their first kiss, which took only a matter of seconds, both blaming the other, neither yet realising that the other was in love with just as much as they were with them. She called him a taxi back to his place, unaware that he, like her, was completely sober. He plucked out a packet of cigarettes from his chest pocket, he wasn't going anywhere, not until they sorted it out. She turned around to meet him with lustful eyes. Remembering all this had caused a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, the feeling of abandonment, her heart crushed for leaving this man.

_  
And it's all in my head  
But she's touching his chest  
Now, he takes off her dress  
Now let me go_

She had fallen in love with a figment, a creation of both her and Sam Tyler's mind, but for that brilliant night, she didn't care. She remembered the first day she met Gene, she touched his chest to feel for a heartbeat, completely surprised to find one there; she repeated the action that night but that time out of love and tenderness not out of inquisitiveness. They had kissed once more; passionate but not fierce, taking their time to explore each other's mouths before he took the ultimate step and removed her clothing. How she wished she could forget all of this, the one link to the world she had left behind were her emotions and her love for Gene but if she lost these she would lose herself as a person, oh why did she have to fall for that man?

_  
And I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control_

She opened her eyes, watching Molly prance around the room whilst Evan continued with the decorating, every time she closed her eyes she saw Gene, and it was emotionally destroying her. She had to take control of her mind, push all of those feelings down and be strong for Molly, her little girl still hurt inside from the horror of her mummy nearly dying on her birthday.

_  
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
Swimming through sick lullabies  
Choking on your alibis_

She remembered the time she really thought she had got back to her real time, it turned out she had just gone into a deeper coma and also into one in nineteen-eighty two, it was one of the most bizarre and confusing experiences in her life. Only the night before had Jenette caused an unwarranted rift between her and Gene, she thought he had gone and fallen for her. Her relief was short lived when she found out his trust was restored in her, for the formerly mentioned woman caused Gene to accidently push her into that coma within her coma.

_  
But it's just the price I pay  
Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes  
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside_

She paid the price, that was for sure, when she was given the choice to visit them once more before she was permanently relieved of her coma, she threw away the chance to say goodbye for good, to tell Gene those three magic words for the last time before the darkness consumed her and she returned to the 'real world'. She had opened her eyes tentatively, adjusting to the clinical light, smiling softly when her eyes locked onto her little girl who consumed her with a bone-crushing hug.

I'm coming out of my cage  
And I've been doing just fine  
Gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all

_This song really does repeat itself_, she thought whilst smiling to herself. However, this just gave her more to think about as the lyrics one more circled her mind. This time she thought once again, back to their first kiss, their first night together. She had let herself go completely in both body and mind, completely submitted herself to Gene as he did to her. They both connected physically and metaphorically, why did her perfect man have to be a figment? She laughed to herself; _perfect? If someone had said that to her the first time they met, she would have laughed in their face_. After that night, they made the leap, they biggest decision she would have to make in that world, together they had it all; they kept their relationship out of the limelight but still pursued it like a proper couple.

_  
It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss  
Now I'm falling asleep_

She thought again to the kiss that begun their relationship it was one of the best moments of her life; not only did they pour all of their love and unresolved sexual tension into it, they put their lives into it; for they knew that if they were rejected by the other, their hearts would shatter. After, they made love for the first time, she spent most of the evening lying awake next to him, smiling happily and drifting into a content sleep with only dreams of Gene.

_  
And she's calling a cab  
While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag  
Now they're going to bed  
And my stomach is sick_

They came to a mutual agreement, to make their relationship last they would keep it secret from CID in the early stage of it. So they did; the morning after she watched him drive away to get ready for work, watching as he lit up a cigar and drive into the distance in the dawn light. She went to bed, excitement bouncing around her stomach; she tried to get some extra sleep before work but knowing she was going to see Gene very soon kept her awake and flitting around the flat.

_  
And it's all in my head  
But she's touching his chest  
Now, he takes off her dress  
Let me go_

She knew the love was all in her head but from time to time, she did consider that they might be actually real; she would find that out when she was allowed back to work, she could not just leave the possibility hanging. They would still sneak glances at each other across CID and from one look she'd be able to tell if he wanted to give her a head start for the activity he would spontaneously plan for them in random secludes of the station.

Cause I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control  
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
Swimming through sick lullabies  
Choking on your alibis  
But it's just the price I pay  
Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes  
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

They fought, just as they did in the old days before they stepped up to the next level. Sometimes the arguments were so fierce they thought there was no chance of return, but there always was; because they had each other, that was of course until she chose Molly over him. In her heart of hearts she knew she always would, she knew her destiny lay with Molly, looking after her little girl, making sure she had a mummy to grow up with, unlike herself. But was her destiny with Molly, it could have been with Gene, she felt so alive when she was there with him; there was no turning back on her decision now, she would never desert Molly.

I never...  
I never...  
I never...  
I never...

As the song came to an end, Alex realised tracks of tears ran down her cheeks; Evan and Molly were looking at her with concern etched across their faces. She mustered a smile, "I'm just happy that we're together as a family for Christmas, like we should be." Excusing herself, she made her way to the bathroom where she sobbed for her loss of Gene, when she finally exhausted herself from the tears she picked herself and cleansed her face from all grief. Staring into the mirror she saw the reflection of CID, she turned around but there was nobody there, facing the mirror again she was shocked to see them still staring at her, then she realised she was being given the opportunity to say goodbye, even if it were not in person. "Goodbye, my imaginary constructs," she whispered, "don't you ever forget that I love you all." She pressed her forehead onto the cool glass as the faded with knowing smiles. She turned to leave to bathroom and she could swear that she heard the faintest of whispers.

"Goodbye Bolly, I love you too, forever and ever."

"Forever and ever Gene." She whispered back as she plastered her biggest smile on her face and made her way back down to Molly and Evan.

* * *

**A/N2: If you have anything to say, even if it's completely random then please do review. Can anyone guess who I am on TRA! Mahoosive hugs for whoever can.**


End file.
